MLP Season 2 Anonymous Pro Pickleball Insider Draft Grades

If you don’t get the picture above, it is an NFL Draft reference from a few years back – Google Bill Belichick Dog. Anyway, sometimes people get tired of our takes. They’ll question whether we watch pickleball or whether we hate their favorite players. If you’re tired of our takes, how about the takes of an anonymous pro pickleball insider? We’re doing another set of Premier Division season 2 draft grades, but this time we are simply publishing the unfiltered thoughts of an anonymous insider. We have not edited any of the commentary to keep it as real as possible. Hope you enjoy!

Chicago Slice – Ben Johns (#1), Jessie Irvine (#24), Lacy Schneemann (#25), Erik Lange (#48)

Ben going with Jessie at 24 makes a lot of sense. They’ll be favored in every mixed match they play. Lacy at 25 makes less sense. She has upside, but she’s volatile and can be alarmingly shaky. Unfortunately for Ben, he was 1 spot away from getting AJ, and 2 spots away from getting Tyler. Is this what happens when teams picking 8-12 in the first round all refuse to trade with Ben Johns? This isn’t the Seattle Pioneers of Season 1. If Ben finds a way to carry this team to a title, I’m naming my first child Ben. Regardless of gender. 

Grade: B 

Utah Black Diamonds – Anna Leigh Waters (#2), Irina Tereschenko (#23), Thomas Wilson (#26), AJ Koller (#47)

Utah got lucky landing AJ Koller at 47. That feels unfair. I want to start a conspiracy theory about Connor pardoe. Did he pay off the GM’s in front of him to leave AJ for him? How does Irina keep landing on all-star teams? Was Anna Leigh the only one without a smile on her face when she saw Riley Newman take Christian Alshon.

Grade: B+

D.C. Pickleball Team – Riley Newman (#3), Jackie Kawamoto (#22), Jade Kawamoto (#27), Christian Alshon (#44)

Wait, what? Riley Newman landed the Kawamoto twins, was lucky enough to have AJ Koller and Tyler Loong waiting for him at the end of the 4th round, and took Christian Alshon? Are the D.C owners subscribed to Alshon’s YouTube channel? Has Riley seen Alshon play? Was Riley involved with the draft process at all, and if so, is he allergic to money? This is the most confusing selection of the draft. Ultimately, this is still a good team because of the quality of the first 3 selections. If Riley had taken Koller or Tyler Loong, we might have had our first A+ draft grade in the history of MLP (the anonymous insider must have forgotten that NML gave the Seattle Pionners an A+ last season).

Grade: B-

Brooklyn Aces – Catherine Parenteau (#4), Andrea Koop (#21), Hayden Patriquin (#28), Tyler Loong (#45)

Catherine at 4 is a reach. JW Johnson should’ve gone in this spot. Andrea’s recent results are concerning – she finished 48th out of 48 in San Clemente. Not to mention, she had two season 2 first round males on her team and didn’t make it out of group play in San Clemente. Lastly, in a world where many players are improving week by week, she is not. Patriquin at 28 is also high. Landing Loong in the back end of the 4th helps this team save face. You know what you’re going to get with Loong. He is a higher end men’s doubles player, a lower end mixed doubles player, and the ball needs to be at around the level of his face for him to speed it up. Patriquin and Loong should be a solid men’s team. Ultimately, this team has limited upside, and the chances this team wins an event are close to 0. Unless Catherine’s trainer sees some potential for “growth” in Hayden’s game. Don’t be surprised if Hayden shows up to Atlanta jacked and 6 feet tall.

Grade: C+ 

Orlando Squeeze – Anna Bright (#5), Andrei Daescu (#20), Zane Navratil (#34), Rachel Rohrabacher (#39)

Did the Orlando squeeze forget JW Johnson was on the board here? This team will depend mostly on Rohrabacher. Since Orlando made the mistake of taking Anna here, the Rohrabacher pick maybe makes sense, in a roundabout way? You play to win MLP, and they needed to go for upside there. Bright, Daescu, Zane, and Susannah Barr would’ve made a solid team, but they probably aren’t winning an event. Nonetheless, you can’t help but think Jill Braverman makes more sense at that spot. You know what you’re going to get with Andrei and Zane. It isn’t the all-hands team; but they’re two consistent, steady competitors. Look for this team to be in the middle of the pack, unless Rohrabacher drastically improves. 

Grade: B

Columbus PC – JW Johnson (#6), Meghan Dizon (#19), Maggie Brascia (#30), Collin Johns (#43)

This should be a stellar men’s team (on the court, not at parties). I’d stick Meghan with Collin and Maggie with JW. Maggie Brascia went a little high – Allyce or Lauren makes more sense here. Did JW think his ATX of season 1 had too much energy? This team needs Chris Carson to follow them around.

Grade: B 

AZ Drive – Julian Arnold (#7), Vivienne David (#18), Dekel Bar (#31), Vivian Glozman (#42)

This team probably didn’t need to take a gamble on Vivian Glozman. But Glozman is more comfortable on the left at this stage, and Vivienne is rock solid on the right. So much of this team depends on Vivian’s improvement through this year. The men’s team will surprise people regardless of how they do. Can you say heat check? We’ve got two Viv’s and two heat check specialists! I have no idea how to evaluate this team, but I like the idea of them. And I love the idea of watching them. 

Grade: B+

Texas Ranchers – Dylan Frazier (#8), Jorja Johnson (#17), Lauren Stratman (#32), Travis Rettenmaier (#41)

Tim Klitch is now the second person in two straight MLP seasons to (1) live with Collin Johns, and (2) not draft him. Is Collin messy? Does he not do his chores? Or, possibly, is the fact that there are probably 10 male challenger players who are better than Collin at mixed hurting him? Anyway, this team is balanced, albeit somewhat volatile. But, they’re familiar with each other. Frazier and Stratman have played together several times, (and had some notable results), and Rettenmaier and Jorja performed very well together in Season 1. Dylan and Travis are a good, but not great, men’s team. Jorja and Lauren are…well… you know what to expect – which is that you have no idea what to expect. Invariably, that team will have a ton of variance in their level. Does that make sense? I don’t know. There’s not a lot about this draft that does makes sense. Tim Klitch, you’re in for a wild ride.

Grade: B 

Dallas PC – James Ignatowich (#9), Callie Smith (#16), Allyce Jones (#33), Jay Devilliers (#40)

This is a team that will have 2 very good mixed teams, regardless who plays with who. Playing with Ignatowich gives Devilliers a chance to play on the right side, which his game is probably better suited for in the long run. Someone needs to make sure the flying Frenchman doesn’t take the middle with his backhand. Callie Smith and Allyce Jones are very familiar with each other and their games compliment one other. This is a good Dreambreaker team. 

Grade: A- 

Atlanta Bouncers – Parris Todd (#10), Simone Jardim (#15), Pablo Tellez (#27), Hunter Johnson (#46)

Atlanta should’ve taken Parris, told her congrats, and hung up the phone. Hunter Johnson over A.J Koller? As a consolation, if this team defies the odds and wins two doubles matches, they will be tough in a dream breaker. 

Grade: C- 

Bay Area Breakers – Lea Jansen (#11), Etta Wright (#14), Rafa Hewett (#35), Connor Garnett (#38)

This team could’ve had Etta Wright, Lea Jansen, and some combination of the two of Jay Devilliers, Tyler Loong, and A.J Koller. Instead, they chose Rafa Hewett, and Connor Garnett. Did Ritchie Tuazon lose a bet? Or his mind?

Grade: D- 

Miami PC – Federico Staksrud (#12), Tyson McGuffin (#13), Hurricane Tyra Black (#36), Mary Brascia (#37)

This is a sneakily well constructed team. Very scary dreambreaker team with two very good male mixed players. Let’s not forget, though, that a big part of both Tyson and Federico’s mixed success is their serve and drive, which benefits from the unwinding of the stack. There’s no stacking in MLP. Federico and Mary have some very notable mixed results, and Tyra has a lot of upside. If Tyra ever figures out how to hit forehand dinks, this team is going to be one of the favorites. If you’ve ever seen her hit a forehand dink, though, you’ll know it’s a big “if.” Federico and Tyson will be a tough out in men’s. 

Grade: B+ 

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